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Helping Northern Westchester Families

Sep 18, 2017BY:
IN: Dealing with Divorce

A Recipe For A Better Divorce

Step 1: Work with your spouse and not against your spouse. Your relationship as husband and wife may be ending however you both created this family and if you have children you will need to work together as co parents;

Step 2: Select a process such as either mediation or collaborative divorce to negotiate the terms of your settlement so you can maintain control over the outcome;

Step 3: Choose professionals who are well trained in their respective disciplines and share a commitment to reaching a resolution without the need or threat of litigation;

Step 4: Treat yourself, your spouse, and your family with dignity. Acknowledging each other’s value and worth will help you both work together to end your marriage;

Step 5: Do not get stuck in the past, or your anger, resentment or fear. Stay present and work with your divorce professionals to envision and create a healthier and happier life for yourself, spouse and your family;

Step 6: Voice your needs and concerns and listen and understand your spouse’s needs and concerns. You do not need to agree with your spouse’s needs or concerns just understand them;

Step 7:   Cooperate in the disclosure of all information requested and participate in negotiations with good faith, honesty and respectfulness;

Step 8: Utilize the expertise of your divorce professionals to constructively work though conflict. They have more experience with divorce issues in their respective fields and are there to support you through your divorce;

Step 9: Be open to the exploration of all settlement options without judgment. Do not get stuck on positions. Focus on why you want something and what purpose it will serve to help you get unstuck and open up more possibilities for settlement;

Step 10: Evaluate and consider all options through the lens of your spouse, your children and in relation to your values and interests. Imagine a pizza pie and the infinite ways it can be divided. Each person should be able to get the piece they most want;

Step 11: Create and execute an agreement that balances the most important interests of you, your spouse and your family;

Finally Step 12: Embrace this new chapter of your life and if you share children, build a healthier relationship as co parents and redefine your family by your own terms. Remember with every end there is a new beginning.

Generously sprinkle with hope and gratitude. Serve immediately.

The author, Melissa Goodstein, is a member of Northern Westchester Collaborative Divorce Professionals which is an association of lawyers, mental health professionals, and financial professionals specializing in the collaborative divorce process. If you have questions about collaborative divorce and how this alternative to courtroom litigation can work for you, please contact Melissa Goodstein. Contact information can be found by clicking/tapping the author image or the "View Profile" link on this page.

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